grandmother cacao and grief

so many people don’t like to talk about grief…they treat it like its something that is an illness that you are embarrassed to have. like its the acne of emotions and if we just put a healing lotion on it, it will go away. nothing is farther from the truth. grief is sneaky and often ruthless. grief has this way of hiding away in the shadows of your soul and waiting until you think you’ve gotten a handle on it and then it just pops up when you catch sight of a hummingbird sipping nectar from a flower because you will never forget that they were your mom’s favorite or you sit down to an espresso like you did with your dad where you snuck sugar (brandy and sambuca) into the coffee shop to make just a normal day a celebration. grief has a way of coiling up inside of you waiting to strike like a rattlesnake when you aren’t remembering to guard yourself. grief can last decades because great loss often comes after there was a great love. so today, I want to talk about grief and I want to acknowledge it as the emotion that requires the most generosity of tenderness and acceptance, with an enormous dash of grace for yourself and how I have been experiencing it.

the last 15 months have proven to be full of beautiful and magical moments sprinkled generously in between with large expanses of grief. through the entire time, through every moment of joy and every moment of grief, grandmother cacao stood by my side, held me in her loving embrace and allowed me to process the waves of emotions that I was navigating through. why not call a friend, lean on a family member, go to therapy…I do that too. but sometimes and i’m sure i’m not alone in this, I get tired of actually hearing the sadness in my own voice and so I turn to grandmother cacao.

you see, in the last 15 months, I’ve lost not only my two old guard kitties - zita and zola, but also my familiar zara. for normal people, losing three furry children in 15 months would be a lot, but for me, their losses were just a part of my grief that strengthened to become even greater losses because my parents also took flight. my mom gained her wings in February 2023 and my dad just gained his and reunited with my mom three weeks ago. grief has joined my life in an epic fashion and while we all know grief is a sign of great love that has no where to go, I turned to grandmother cacao to find a way to express my great love by allowing my heart space to be opened to fully being in the moments of my grief.

grandmother cacao is an old world, 10,000 year old, plant medicine that loves community and being in service with us. spiritually speaking, she is able to hold space for us when we are too tired to hold it for ourselves and she is able to provide a soothing and calming opportunity to heal.

scientifically she is chock full of amazingly supportive nutrients - magnesium, copper, zinc, iron, potassium, selenium, chromium and manganese as well as the bliss molecule anandamide, theobromine, phenylethylamine and monoamine oxidase which help metabolize serotonin and dopamine…you know…the feel good chemicals that help you feel joyful.

all that and I probably could have just said, cacao can make you happier and soothe your wounds like when your mom put a bandaid on your knee when you were five and told you it would get better before you got married.

well dina, “how do you incorporate ceremonial cacao into your life?”

I am so glad you asked…lol. for me, part of the healing is in the creation of my daily cacao. I love the slow movements of chopping the cacao, putting water in the pot and bringing it to just before a boil, I love adding my rose powder for extra self love and whisking in the chopped cacao. I love drizzling a little bit of honey into her to bring a little sweetness to the bitter to balance out my emotions. I love the slow pour into my mug and the walk to my room where I play soft music, carving my gratitude or “I am” affirmations into a candle and lighting it to illuminate my feelings and give them the space they deserve. sometimes I just sit quietly, alone with my cacao…sometimes I get out my journal or art supplies and allow the beautiful wafting aromas to fill my nose and start the process of healing. sometimes, well, sometimes I even do the death scroll on my phone because avoidance is also a way humans deal with their emotions - I do not recommend this way, its not truly helpful. but if I am being transparent and truthful…I do this too.

there is no right or wrong way to sit with grandmother cacao. i’ve been to some of the most beautiful ceremonies where there was live drumming and flute music. i’ve been blessed to be in ceremony during guided meditations and storytelling. i’ve enjoyed ceremonial cacao while someone magically provided healing via the use of singing bowls and i’ve enjoyed ceremonial cacao on the top of a mountain overlooking the valley I live in, as well as in the forest sitting at a picnic table, on the beach at sunrise overlooking the ocean, in my backyard while I entice the bluejays into my yard with peanuts and while sitting with a friend enjoying a great conversation. just like grief can show up at any moment, so too can grandmother cacao be with you anywhere you go.

so my wish for you today, if I was going to make one, is that if you are experiencing grief in your life…experience it. sit with it, invite it to share a cup of cacao with you. recognize that it is an emotion that carries quite a bit of depth and often great love. acknowledge that you have great depth and are capable of great love and that it is a superpower, not a blemish and that you deserve the grace and all the time necessary to process and release the loss of whatever great love you think (in this moment) that you no longer have.

boundless blessings,